Can I just say one thing..............?

ALLTEL. SUCKS. ASS.!

I am not, no matter what anyone told you, a skanky whore. Get it straight....NOT...SKANKY...WHORE! However, there are four random people (that I KNOW of) who now believe, understandably, that I am. And, it is all the fault of STUPID alltel. Ok, so here's the deal...when my husband is doing stuff with his friends, I find it hilarious to batter him with dirty text messages and see his reaction. LOVE. IT. Very funny, I'd suggest that you try it sometime, but FORTHELOVEOFGOD DON'T. See I was sending the aforementioned dirty texts to him this weekend and I got a dirty text back. Sounds ok, right? WELL, IT'S NOT. You see, the text that I recieved back WAS NOT from my husband. It was from a number that I'd never seen before. I immediately thought it was one of the card playing friends fucking with me. I stormed out there and proceeded to tear into the only friend with a cell phone. Yeah, his phone was DEAD. So, at this point I had received 3 texts, from 2 people who were not my husband, and confirmed that this was not, in fact, some sick sad joke. I immediately handed the phone to my husband and listened to him tear the living assholes out of 2 guys that had replied to me. I was irate. I-RATE! My message had gone to 4 people, my husband and 3 poor unsuspecting bystanders. Bystanders whom, I might add, now think I'm a raging slut.
PISSES
ME
OFF!

That's all. Fuck Alltel, with a big rubber dick.

Good news for once. Get over it.

I just have to express my gratitude to, well, to ME. I love that I have chosen to live in a rural area, and do you want to know WHY? Do ya, punk? I'll tell you why. Do you know what I was wearing when I took the dogs out this morning? I was wearing R's t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and underwear. HA! Now, said t-shirt is old and holey and the holes where the sleeves once were hang down to my waist. Granted, the panties could be mistaken as slut shorts from afar, but they were panties just the same!
I didn't have to worry about anyone seeing me or anything. There's the neighbors across the street, but they were still sleeping so there! It was the most gorgarific morning EVER and I thoroughly enjoyed the hell out of it, too!

Yay, YAY, more good news! My cousin is prego AGAIN!! I'm really hoping that she lets me take pictures of her little belly once it comes in! She would make the perfect subject. She loves my art and will do pretty much anything I ask her to do as far as posing goes! SPLENDORIFIC!! I can't wait!! (ewww, wait that last sentence sounded a bit pornographic. That is not the case.) We should make her fiancee a calendar for a wedding gift. He'd love that shit! YES!! I'm calling her!

THIS is my furious face!

GOOD LORD WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? je-SUS! I sold a slide viewer to a woman the other day because she didn't want to spend the extra bucks to have the slides scanned. After she left and CAME BACK for a receipt, I knew that old hag was going to use it and return it. And I was the QUEEN OF RIGHT! Blue haired mouth breather fucking brought the damned thing back today telling me it wouldn't work. When I called her bluff and opened it up to put batteries in, she then decided she didn't LIKE it. So, which is it, bitch? Couldn't get it to work or didn't like it? What a sneaky old megauberultrabitch.



In other news, I finally got the most indecisive man on earth to make a decision today. So that helps. I wish he'd quit it with the whole preconceived notions thing about Jane. She really doesn't deserve for him to be such a superwanker to her. I know she doesn't usually have a positive attitude or outlook, but neither do I. What's so forking different about the two of us? NOTHING, NOTHING I TELL YOU! It's just that I'd be happy to call him out on it and she'd rather just avoid the whole messy business. But as for me, messy business is my middle name! Well, not my GIVEN middle name, but I'm going to change it TODAY.......hmmm......
Clementine Messybusiness Doe
Clementine Messy Business Doe too many middle names......lets see.....DROP the last name!
Clementine Messy Business!!!!
Turns out Messy Business is my middle AND last name! HA

Ode to being so pissed I can't see fucking straight.

Oh, maniacal anger...
OH, murderous RAGE....
Well, the Capital Ass has struck again. The mongoloid wench calculates every word that escapes her lips, trying to sabotage our business and then TURNS AROUND AND TALKS TO ME ABOUT FUCKING ETHICS! Who the fuck is SHE to talk to me about ethics. I could roast her on a spit and make her EAT her own ethics right about now.
But, seriously............
The real anger, the anger that makes me shake and stutter like a damned FOOL has subsided. The drive home helped with that. So, I'm not ACTUALLY maniacal or even murderous at this point. Just a dull anger now.
*sigh* I need a beer. Or better, a shot of tequila!

Missionary? MISSIONARY? Don't you mean salesperson?! Je-SUS, people are insufferable! In the past 2 days I have had 2 people come in here trying to sell me shit and using GOD as their fucking pitch. I do not, nor do I ever PLAN to purchase anything from the Lord. I didn't buy the bible or the saving-my-eternal-soul bit, I will not buy knick-knacks and overpriced books.

That first one, she had some NERVE, that girl. She came in here and asked me right out if I was Christian. I thought that after I said "No" she would move on to a different selling point, but NOooooo, she went right on with "enrich your life" this and "bible verses" that. GAWD, I wanted to smack that cheesy grin right off her face. Then she had the balls to say "Do you ever wonder why psychics never win the lottery, I mean, really." OHKISSMYWHITEASS! She knows nothing about anything except what her God has let her believe and wouldn't even care to know that people with the ability to "see" the unseen or whatever also have fucking MORALS, and furthermore, not everyone things that money is the only way to be happy or fulfilled.

So, take your Godsales and fucking cram it, ok. I'm not buying anything from you OR YOUR "ALL LOVING" GOD. GETOUTOFMYSTOREBEFOREICUTYOU!!!

Ok, so I'm a tad touchy about the whole religion thing. I'm sure to be ranting about it more at a later date.

The hotness shall be rocked, oh yes, it SHALL be ROCKED!

I'm starting to get really frickin' excited about Halloween. Nowhere to go here in Sitonyourassville USA, but the costume shall rock the WORLD! I will, for the first time in my life, take advantage of All Sluts Day and look hotalicious! I am going to be...........


wait for it...................











WAIT FOR IT............................








Lara CROFT!!

How much hotness does THAT rock? Oh yes, kiddies, I will rock the hotness like never before. For once I am comfortable in my skin/fat and I don't care who looks and who doesn't because I guarantee I'll want to make love to mySELF that day! There will be GUNS and there will be SHORTS and there will be BOOTS, BUCKLE-Y CLUNK-Y BOOTS! Plus there will be a BRAID and LITTLE HANGY DOWNY BANGY THINGIES!! Oh yes, I shall rock the hotness HARD!!

My hotness shall rule the world on this All Sluts Day!! HAHAHAHA, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!


go about your business..............
nothing to see here............................

Fax spam? What the hell?

Ok, sitting here minding my own business, programming flash movie. Window pops up "New fax, blah, blah" Well, the boss sometimes gets random faxes, so I went and opened it and it's FAX SPAM. So, fax is not a very popular communication medium. Why the hell would you ever use it for spam? People are dumber than I thought, and that's BAD.

Scrumlicious!

You know what I love?

Cupcakes.

Yeah, cupcakes for sure!

Drives me CRAZY!

"Do you do one hour photo."
"Yes, we do."
"And, does that generally take one hour, or like, 2 or 3?"
"..It's...One hour."
"Do you use the special Kodak processing?"
"I'm not sure what you mean, we use Kodak paper."
"Well, I noticed that at Walgreens..........."
Ok, fucker, let me stop you there. Walgreens is a DRUGSTORE. Ok? You get your prescriptions filled and buy makeup there, they DO NOT specialize in photo processing. You're lucky you're on the other end of a phone right now, lest I stab your eyes out with my pen!


Thanks, it's good to get those things out before an AK gets involved.

Small town America

I just want to mention that all firefighters should be HOT. I live in a town where hot guys are few and far between and the local fire department is coming in to get photo ID cards. I am the lucky lu that gets to photograph each and every one, THIRTY of them. I've only actually shot two so far but, would it be too much to ask for one or two of them to be even a teeny bit good looking? Remember Backdraft? Now THAT was some hot fuckers there! I'd become an arsonist for some of that shit. And furthermore, who picks these guys? There should be a panel of women, myself included of course, that gets to make these decisions. If I'm half burnt to death and need saving, I want someone nice looking to save me and carry me naked down the ladder. Well, I'd be naked, not him, but THAT'S an idea. Hot, naked or at least shirtless firefighters! Deal me IN!!

And there WILL BE a casting couch. So there.

The purple coat girl saga.

Yesterday I saw purple coat girl walking across the street, pushing her bike. I don't know how it happened, but she is pregnant. Well, of course I know HOW it HAPPENED, (disgusting mental picture) I just can't imagine anyone being so greasy, so terribly vomit-inducing that they could knock up that poor girl. She's way mentally challanged, not even that, she's crazy to a slightly scary and definately disturbing extent.
She was eating something out of a basket, which was later identified as popcorn from the theater. It makes me uneasy. She's got shifty eyes! Very un-ease-enducing.





What's an appropriate response to, "Have a nice afternoon."? IF someone says that to me, I reply with a, "You too." or something along those lines. The one response that's worse than saying nothing at all?....."I will." What is that? I'm not actually telling you to have a nice afternoon because I care or anything, I get PAID to say that to you. I do not, however, get paid to sit here and listen to your life story. If you're bringing in a picture of your dead cousin or whomever, for restoration, DON'T inform me that they are dead. For one, it's none of my business and B: Now, I have to sit here staring at the deceased for 5 hours fixing his or her acne or whatever. It would be much easier if I could just think this person was REALLY vain or something. Knowing they're dead is creepy and I picture them standing over my shoulder, critiquing my work on their pre-mortem self.